Project 34

a new way to celebrate my birthday

I turned 34 on Thursday, somehow.

Lately, I’ve been feeling more like I’m 3 or 13 rather than 34, but here I am. My birthday is one of the most loaded days of the year, filled with more painful memories than warm and bubbly ones. Over the years, I’ve distanced myself from the day entirely. However, since my parents died, I’ve slowly started to reclaim it. My birthday now serves as a reminder that I am one of two people on this earth carrying their DNA. If anything, I should celebrate for them and for what it took to bring me into this world.

On that note, as I get older, the question of whether I want my own biological children becomes more pressing, as does the aching knowledge that if my brother and I don’t have children, it will mark the end of this branch of the family tree. For someone who has gone to great lengths to break generational cycles, it’s almost comical. It’s also something that I needed to create some distance from this morning—enter my Project 34 Playlist.

I want to treat 34 like a project and any good project needs a playlist right? I sat outside this morning and compiled a very eclectic list of 34 songs that encapsulate what I want this year to feel like. Some songs are significant because of their lyrics and some just simply because of the vibe.

I could’ve spent all day on this, but I tried not to second guess. I simply clicked around Spotify and if it made me stop in my tracks for more than a second or two I added it. It will be interesting to spend some time listening through it and teasing out themes. I can already tell you highways are one….

What are some unique ways that you celebrate your birthday?