Learning to color outside the lines.
For the last six months I’ve been deliberately and consistently stepping toward what makes me feel expansive and more aligned with what I believe my purpose is on this earth.
A few years ago, I was at my parents watching TV and coloring. My mom saw what I was doing and said:
I used to get so angry at you when you were little. You always colored outside the lines.
I don’t think my mom got legitimately angry. As she continued her anecdote that day, it was clear she was more challenged by her impulse to correct me.
Despite my mom’s restraint, I ended up as someone who learned how to color inside the lines…too well. I’ll blame it on being the eldest daughter and a Virgo.
Now, I am repeatedly choosing to color outside the lines.
For the last six months, I’ve been deliberately and consistently stepping toward what makes me feel expansive, and more aligned with what I believe my purpose is on this earth.
I walked away from my career.
I turned down several job offers.
I am growing a business or two or three?
I started sharing my writing.
I took an 8 week course with a spiritual teacher and coach.
I’ve started to let myself dream.
It’s felt amazing, and scary.
I met a new version of myself—the authentic one.
My heart tells me that I’ve known this version before, if only for a short time.
I don’t ever want to go back. I can’t go back. I won’t go back.
However, just because I’m accepting and loving this new reality, doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments of utter insecurity. It’s especially difficult when the majority of my social circle has stayed on more traditional paths.
I find myself hiding from situations where I feel like people will ask, “so what do you do”?
Just last week, I practically ran from a conversation with an old coworker out of fear that question might appear. It makes me uneasy that I don’t have a one sentence answer. It used to be so straightforward, “Oh, I am an 8th grade teacher”.
After all, isn’t that what our society wants? Things placed in easy to understand [boxes.] Solid colors inside bold lines.
I’m still learning how to be a patchwork person. I’m uneasy. I’m scared. I’m excited. I can’t wait to see how beautiful my quilt will be.
Wholeheartedly,
Maggi *
*this was intentional. If you read the caption, you’ll know :)
My journal, Lessons from Nature is now out. You can find it here.
Interested in working with me? Reach out.
Really enjoyed reading this <3 thank you!
I love your artist self! The butterfly! And I think you have a magic wand? Here's to choosing where the lines are!