Just try being with it.
why sitting with the gunk is often your best choice.
“I think I’m feeling just really bummed out. What do I do with this?” I’d send my therapist. She’d reply: “Do you have to DO anything with it? Just try being with it”.
It took me a long time to not think her response was insane. What good was noticing what you were feeling, if you weren’t supposed to do anything? Wasn’t the goal to be aware so you could make it go away as quickly as humanly possible?
But because I trusted, and am a curious person, I worked to understand what she meant and eventually it clicked. Today, the “doing” looks like spending intimate time with the gunk. Being willing to submit to what I’m feeling and give it space.
I didn’t write a newsletter on Sunday because that’s what I was doing instead. I had no clue what was lurking under the surface, but there was something and it was growing. Even though I know ignoring feelings doesn’t make them go away I tried. For days I attempted to pawn it off on hormones and humidity because, let’s be real, taking good care of yourself is so damn inconvenient sometimes.
1 hour and 47 minutes. I spent 1 hour and 47 minutes on my living room floor with my feelings. I alternated between meditating, writing, and some gentle movement. Did I get to the total bottom of what was nagging at me? No. But did I get to the point where I was able to go about the rest of my day feeling a little lighter? Yes.
Some of you might be thinking, Maggie that sounds a lot like doing something with your feelings and I hear you, but I’m going to attempt to explain the difference. That time I spent on my living room floor was dedicated to having a dialogue with what was brewing underneath the surface. I didn’t try to change it, rationalize it, or talk myself out of the way I was feeling. I didn’t intend to walk away with a resolution. Instead, I opened the space with curiosity and self-compassion. A lot of what spilled out onto the pages of my journal were beliefs and insecurities that I hadn’t seen for years. In fact, I could probably dig up pages from years ago that sound almost identical. It’s probably why I was resisting sitting with those feelings in the first place. But I didn’t judge, I just let them be, gave them space, and gave myself a little love.
So, here we are 3 days later. Can I say that it is all laid to rest? No. Are there things that came up that may have to turn into action items down the line? Maybe–but none right this second.
What I do know is giving my feelings 1 hour and 47 minutes of space put me back in the driver’s seat. It didn’t lead me down a dark hole that I couldn’t crawl out of like I used to fear. In fact, it probably saved me from that. The reason I know it was 1 hour and 47 minutes is because the peace I gained felt like it must’ve taken at least 6 hours to arrive at. It was a great reminder that often just being with our gunk is the best option.
»Stay in touch between newsletters. Follow along on Instagram.
Yes! I totally understand this. Sit with your feelings. Let them be. Trying to shove them away or make them something they aren’t can make it worse. Or prolong the discomfort. This is a great reminder. Love the 1 hour and 47 minutes of just being with it.