EMOTIONAL HUNKERING (Read & Reflect #15)
a call to challenge numbing, resisting and ignoring our feelings.
You can skip this part if you want to get to the content, but it’s a BIG WARM HEARTFELT THANK YOU.
I want to express my gratitude for YOU. I received a few emails over the weekend from people who read this newsletter & they warmed my heart. These are complete strangers, yet somehow, I feel so connected. I suppose that’s because we all are. I write because I believe everyone’s stories and perspectives deserve to be heard, and because I want others to realize they always have a choice in how they show up in this world. When I started writing this newsletter at the start of December, I never anticipated that it would be the catalyst for connecting me to amazing, thoughtful humans. I simply imagined it as a platform for me to dish out my work for people to possibly consume. The fact that it has opened up two-way communication with thoughtful, amazing humans has me on cloud nine. My inbox is always open (findingtheflotsam@gmail.com). Wishing you a smooth and peaceful Wednesday.
How come when a storm is approaching, we give ourselves permission to hunker?
Yet, in the midst of our own storms, we often deem hunkering the opposite of what we should do?
Is it our hardwired animal reflexes equating a pause in motion to death?
Is it our production driven culture signaling that we need to shake it off as fast as humanly possible?
Is it our employment contracts stipulating grief must be done in a set amount of days?
Is it because, unlike a storm, we don’t know what provisions we may need?
We spend more time tethering patio furniture to prevent flight than nursing our delicate souls.
It certainly isn’t because we lack advanced warning of impending fronts.
Meteorologists use Doppler radar, satellites and buoys. We can use the tension in our jaws, the pit in our stomachs, the uncharacteristic snarky quips exiting our mouths.
Who would dare to look at Mother Nature and demand she cancel a thunderstorm? Even if we did, she would remind us there is no fighting her. Imagine for a moment she did comply. We would never know the beauty of a rainbow.
When we attempt to cancel what longs to be felt, it only prolongs the pain and allows it to shapeshift. Imagine if we continue to numb, ignore, resist. We will never know our true strength.
What are the tell tale signs that you are avoiding emotions?
What are your major roadblock(s) that prevent you from feeling what needs to be felt?
Think of time that you have chosen to lean into the feelings? What was that experience like? How did you feel after the fact?
(Scroll down for my responses)
I’m going to do something new today. So often, I see writer’s on Substack post journal questions, but never answer share their responses. So here are mine:
When I am avoiding emotions there are a few tell tale signs. The first, I am short with my dogs. Secondly, my body screams (actually it happened tonight). I feel it mostly in my jaw, neck and left shoulder. It’s like it’s all locked up, a rubber band pulled tightly.
Fear. I’ve come a long way. Once upon a time, I thought I was a robot and literally didn’t even know what emotions were aside from anger. But, I’m still strengthening the part of me that believes I am capable of handling whatever needs to be felt. My biggest fear is that I will encounter an emotion so large, that it will do me in. It hasn’t happened and I’ve been through some shit, but the fear is still there.
I leaned in to feeling the feels for a few minutes tonight. At first, I was hesitant. I had shit I wanted to do. I didn’t have time to go “there”. However, like is frequently the case, devoting a few intentional minutes to get in touch with what was going on, actually saved me time. It didn’t take hours, or my whole night. 25 minutes and I felt so much lighter.
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"Is it our employment contracts stipulating grief must be done in a set amount of days?" Ha. So true. Appreciate your diving in with your own remedies, nothing like a personal example to illustrate your point. Good stuff, Maggie!