You’re right around the corner from a different life.
sharing a journal page from 2021
I didn’t know what I wanted to write about today. I sat on my living room floor at 10:30 last night with my journals spread out around me. I’ve revisited these pages ranging from 2015 to the present more frequently in the past months, each time learning more about myself through visiting my past self.
The earlier journals are filled with the same things day in and day out. Anger, frustration, anxiety, and so much about food. But even then, there were glimmers—affirmations randomly tossed in and always hints of curiosity. Sometimes we aren’t as far away as we think from the versions of ourselves that we want to be.
If there is one journal that I covet it’s the one from 2021. There was a shift in the way I saw myself, saw the world, saw the universe. I was my own cheerleader. I wrote with clarity. I let my spirituality and contemplative sides run wild. That journal starts with notes scrawled from a “women’s empowerment yoga” retreat and ends with my dad dying. On that page, I declared it my “playbook”.
I don’t journal every day, but I’m thankful that I do it with enough consistency to weave together an image of the road I’ve walked and the one I am currently on.
Today I’m sharing an entry from my 2021 journal and a short response to it that I wrote this morning. I think the questions I asked are relatable to a lot of us that crave more and know that we are called to live differently.
You’re right around the corner from a different life.
From my journal: 4.4.2021
What do I do? What does my life look like when I slow down and breathe? What will happen when I catch myself out of the shower having gratitude for my body and health instead of hatred? What’s the world going to look like when I start leaning into all it has to offer? What are the possibilities when I admit that I want to give my love to someone? What’s down the road when I don’t let my mental scrapes and scars define who I am? What if I admit that I want more? Can I actually do this? I feel like I’m trying to enter the world for the first time. There’s still that little voice telling me that I don’t deserve more. How different could my life look like in a year if I open my heart and move into the world?
I am a good person.
I am solid.
I am an optimist.
I believe in connection.
I am a seeker of gratitude.
I am humble.
I am insightful.
I have strengths to offer.
I have a heart.
I have a soul.
I am more than my struggles.
I can do this.
To myself: 5.22.2023
Hey, 2021 Maggie. Here’s what I can tell you so far. You’ve slowed down and stopped hating yourself. You’ve admitted you want more. You’ve silenced the little voice telling you that you don’t deserve it. But you don’t have any more answers about what your world will look like. In fact, you probably have even less than you did before. What you do have, that you probably didn’t anticipate, is hope. You have a belief that everything will unfold as it’s supposed to. You know that the universe is constantly working in your favor. You have trust. You have love. Your world looks drastically different from 2021, but all very similar at the same time. Every day isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but you feel anchored. You feel safe. You feel loved.
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My journal, Lessons from Nature is now out. You can find it here.
Love this. Thank you for sharing your journey with us! 💖
Maggie, What a powerful journal entry. If I might add a perspective, your core is already experiencing all there is. Yet it is hidden. Connection with the core is where joy is. D