If you’ve read my newsletter for a while now,
you know I periodically crack open the container of my old journals and spend time with past iterations of myself. There’s even been a handful of times that I’ve used the contents for this newsletter.
Last night, with the steady rain as a backdrop, I embarked on this ritual again and came across some ramblings from 1 year, 7 months, and 6 days ago. I checked the date at least 5 times convinced this entry had to be older. Why? Because I AM this person today and I have a hard time wrapping my head around a time that I wasn’t. That’s what happens when you make the bold step into alignment. I also found myself astonished that I have most of the things I desired. Sure, they might not take the form that I expected them to, but I still have them.
I guess there’s a reason this concept forms the backbone of the work I do now. I want everyone to have the chance to look back 1 year, 7 months, and 6 days and have the same feeling I had re-reading my words.
I hope that by sharing this journal entry, you’ll consider taking a few minutes during this period of seasonal and energetic change to think about or even write about the person you want to be—the person you want to show up as.
1/23/2022
What if I’ve never shown up to new situations as who I truly am? Maybe that’s why the thought of newness is so daunting— because I’ve always shown up out of alignment.
The Maggie I want to show up as is kind and soft, caring—but sees the humor peeking out in everything. She shows up as loving and in turn, lets others show up without judgment. She doesn’t deflect the attention away from herself by downplaying or diminishing. She does not bend with the intention of making others comfortable but instead makes them comfortable simply by daring to show up authentically. She is present—not moving one step ahead.
What do I have to lose by letting this version of myself come out?
For the first time, I’ve started to let myself feel the love others have for me and it has been the thing that has carried me.
What happens if I show up with no agenda? Without sizing people up—who would make a good friend? Who is the strangest? Who is the kindest? But just arrived and took each moment as it came?
What I really want is connection—to be with people who aren’t afraid to do the work—to go deeper, to talk about what it means to be human.
I want a life that affords me more chances to spend time outside. To not be bound by a schedule or structure someone else has created. I want a life that lets me pause and notice the subtle changes of the seasons.
I want to be with someone who is a soft soul. They are kind and solid in who they are. I want someone to explore with and the ability to push each other to grow. I want to spend weeks every year seeing different places, but always coming back to somewhere familiar that brings me the same comfort as putting on a well-worn sweatshirt.
I want pockets of community—people that I can rally, or will rally simply because they love me.
I don’t want to be rich. I just want to be secure enough to afford taking care of myself physically and mentally. To not second guess getting a massage, or taking a class.
I want to know a little bit about a lot of things. I want people to know my name. I don’t want to just be a background character that fades.
PS: If you feel like you can’t even wrap your head around how you’d like to show up or what you desire, this program is a stellar way to get some clarity. I did it recently and as a result, have a whole new journal entry that I will get to revisit and be astonished by next year.
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Maggie, Showing up as real as you can - focusing on connection, you will find joy. D