It’s 12:25pm & I’m lying ON my bed, flanked by 100 pounds of canine. The distinction between on and in feels important to make. I’ve been up since 7:00. I showered, exchanged voice memos, had a phone conversation, mowed my backyard, haggled on Facebook marketplace, and made a cup of tea.
It’s partly sunny and 55. Tonight we turn the clocks back and the darkness sets in.
Yet, here I am ON my bed because I’m exhausted.
I should be outside.
I could be sitting in the sun writing this.
What’s wrong with me?
Am I tired because I’m not spending more time outdoors—not moving more?
Am I indulging my body too much?
Is this because of the obnoxious healthcare system that’s left me without my ADHD meds for weeks?
Am I going to feel like shit and regret lying ON my bed?
I should be creating, making, cleaning, walking, talking, DOING something.
So, here I am ON my bed writing to diffuse the shoulds, and coulds and projections.
Back to center, Maggie. Back to center.
“Alexa, set an alarm clock for 1:00pm”.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
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Trying to give myself permission to “rest my eyes” these days 🩷
Maggie, Be gentle with yourself. No should - just the next thing. D