Saturday Mind Wars

shoulds, coulds & guilt oh my!

It’s 12:25pm & I’m lying ON my bed, flanked by 100 pounds of canine. The distinction between on and in feels important to make. I’ve been up since 7:00. I showered, exchanged voice memos, had a phone conversation, mowed my backyard, haggled on Facebook marketplace, and made a cup of tea. 

It’s partly sunny and 55. Tonight we turn the clocks back and the darkness sets in.

Yet, here I am ON my bed because I’m exhausted. 

I should be outside. 

I could be sitting in the sun writing this. 

What’s wrong with me? 

Am I tired because I’m not spending more time outdoors—not moving more?  

Am I indulging my body too much? 

Is this because of the obnoxious healthcare system that’s left me without my ADHD meds for weeks? 

Am I going to feel like shit and regret lying ON my bed?

I should be creating, making, cleaning, walking, talking, DOING something. 

So, here I am ON my bed writing to diffuse the shoulds, and coulds and projections.

Back to center, Maggie. Back to center.

“Alexa, set an alarm clock for 1:00pm”.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. 

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