My inner critic threw a party.

and so I invited curiosity to break it up.

Jul 06, 2023

I don’t know what to write.

The words just aren’t coming together in the magical way I’d like them to. I’m lacking inspiration. Even nature, my endless muse, is letting me down. The metaphors have dried up. Since December, I’ve churned out at least 1 newsletter every week and now I just feel stuck. Everything I’m writing feels like crap and my thoughts are running haywire.

Has this newsletter project run its course?
Do I reduce how often I’m writing again?
If I do that, will people keep reading?
Is it better to publish something rather than nothing?
I’m taking up space in your inbox the content should be somewhat juicy
Why can’t I think and write the way I was 3 months ago?
Why am I so uninspired?
Do I need to meditate more?
Am I not clear on what’s going on in my mind, in my heart?

Isn’t it amazing how fast the thoughts spiral?

But when I look over that list it’s riddled with judgment and very little curiosity. I turned my lack of inspiration into a value statement that goes something like: because I’m not writing long extended metaphors about the human experience, my content sucks, I’m a sucky writer, and this newsletter is garbage. Talk about harsh right?

I had to really coach myself through this whole debacle and intentionally invite curiosity back into the room.

I realized that maybe my energy just shifts to being a little more extroverted and a little less introspective in the summer.

I explored how writing is really gratifying when the ground is covered in snow, but I’d rather spend time deadheading flowers in the warmer months.

I revisited the reason I started to write this newsletter in the first place. I didn’t do it for the subscriber count. I did it to create a container to strengthen my own writing practice and to share authentic work that might serve as a mirror for others.

I reminded myself that the worst thing for my creativity is pressure and that by ruminating on the lack, I was actually moving further away from where I wanted to be.

And so I continue to write.

Am I happy with the quality? Eh.

Do I really miss talking a walk and having 6 different writing ideas pop into my head? HELL YES.

Is the inner critic totally silent? Nope.

But by putting curiosity back into the driver’s seat, I was able to stop adding fuel to the self-criticism fire. We are our own worst enemies sometimes.

So if you find yourself in a bit of a spiral, make sure curiosity is at the table too, and try to give it some air time.