GRATITUDE (Read & Reflect #10)

We all walk around one second closer to our death. However, most are unaware. It’s a fact drowned out by okay health or busy schedules.

Prior to my mom’s diagnosis, my only knowledge of ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) was the Ice Bucket Challenge and Lou Gehrig.

I had no clue that ALS would be my first experience with evil on this earth. We all walk around one second closer to our death. However, most are unaware. It’s a fact drowned out by okay health or busy schedules. We charge along, popping ibuprofen as needed and numbing pain with unhealthy coping mechanisms.

My mom did not have that luxury. ALS reminded us both, every second of every day, she was dying…rapidly.

My mom was a sun goddess. I am so grateful for the loaner power wheelchair provided by an amazing organization, Compassionate Care ALS. Power wheelchairs are built to spec and can take several months. Unfortunately, like many ALS patients, her custom chair wasn’t complete by the time she died. The loaner chair allowed her the ability to regain a little independence. This day she was able to drive around in the backyard, and find a sunny spot to enjoy her “lunch”.

Witnessing someone dying of ALS is incomprehensible.

• ALS took her voice.

• ALS first took her ability to swallow her cherished mini cupcakes then eventually her own saliva. 

• ALS took her ability to walk.

• ALS took her ability to cough and breathe. 

• ALS took her ability to reposition herself in bed, bathe, and use the bathroom unassisted.

Despite the physical effects of the disease, her cognitive abilities went mostly unaffected, a fact which tormented me frequently.

• What was it like to be living in a rapidly failing body and be fully aware?

• What was it like to not be able to form words and express the fear? 

• What was it like to be living with a disease that’s best hope was a drug that might prolong your life by 6 months?

• What was it like to have all your communication limited to writing on a board?

• What was it like to have your daughter feeding you meals through a tube in your stomach?

I promised myself, I would never take my autonomy and ability to breath, swallow, walk and talk for granted again.

However, it’s crazy how fast I fell prey to my day-to-day existence. Recently, I was at a hair appointment and whining about having to cook dinner. Melissa, my hairdresser & good friend, stopped what she was doing and met my gaze in the mirror: 

 “You don’t HAVE to cook something. You GET to cook something”. 

Boy was she right. That’s why we need reflective practices and good people in our life.

Wholeheartedly,

Maggie

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Ideas for Reflection:

1. Which every day tasks are you most grateful you can preform independently?

2. Who in your life can offer you a healthy dose of perspective?

3. What are some ways you can incorporate more gratitude in your life?

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My journal, Lessons from Nature is now out. You can find it here.

Interested in working with me? Reach out.