CONNECTION (Read & Reflect #11)
When I was a teacher, my highest priority for the first day of school was learning my student's names as quickly as possible. My ability to transfer this talent into everyday life is abysmal.
I have a new mantra: Marlene, Marlene, Marlene.
No, that’s not some foreign language, or inspirational code word. It’s the name of a woman that lives a few streets over.
Marlene and I have crossed paths a handful of times and exchanged names more than once. The other morning I ran into her when I was out for a walk. After the stereotypical New Englander weather banter, she asked my name. I was relieved. Clearly, mine wasn’t stored in her long term memory yet either.
When I was a teacher, my highest priority for the first day of school was learning my student’s names as quickly as possible.
My reason for this was twofold. I wanted every student in my classroom to feel seen and welcome and names are the ultimate classroom management tool. Yelling “HEY YOU stop throwing pencils in my ceiling”, just isn’t as effective. Each year I had close to 100 students. On day two, I greeted almost all of them by name.
My ability to transfer this talent into everyday life is abysmal.
Marlene was just the latest incident. I value connection, authenticity and community. So, while I may not spend 50 minutes teaching my new acquaintances history, it’s important to me that I know their names.
My deficit clearly isn’t the result of a missing skill. If I wrote a hypothesis it would be along the lines of:
I’m not remembering names because I am not present enough in the moment or the immediate aftermath of these interactions. I am not prioritizing these moments. I am not prioritizing these humans. I am not prioritizing connection. Since I’m being real honest, if Marlene had a dog in her hand, I would absolutely have the dog’s name memorized.
That leaves a pit in my stomach. Why is my mental to-do list taking priority over a potential moment of true connection? It’s a great reminder that when I think I am fully present, I can always slow it down a bit more.
In the words of my favorite “saint”, Brené Brown, humans are hardwired for connection.
It’s my goal that next time I see my new acquaintance up ahead, I can greet her happily, “Good morning Marlene”!
Wholeheartedly,
Maggie
Ideas for Reflection:
Think of the last time you felt disconnected. What would have made you feel more seen?
How do you ensure that people in your life feel seen?
What are some strategies you can incorporate to be more fully present in your interactions with others?
My journal, Lessons from Nature is now out. You can find it here.
Interested in working with me? Reach out.