Be good to you. Be kind to you.
Those two short phrases are now part of my vernacular, but 7 years ago they were brand new & a radical concept.
Be good to you. Be kind to you.
Those two short phrases, commonly my therapist’s parting words to me, are now part of my vernacular, but 7 years ago they were brand new and a radical concept. I love this journal entry I wrote in 2015. It really shows you how RADICAL an idea it was to me.
8/9/2015- Sunday
Be kind to yourself. I often hear that on the way out of my therapy sessions, but what exactly does it look like? For me, I think I need to focus more on what I’m doing right. I also think it means taking time out of my day to stop and take care of myself? Be kind to myself. A concept that was foreign to me for a long time and is still a little difficult to grasp. Those words must mean something though because they’ve stuck with me. I do need to be better to myself.
Goodness and kindness first required that I acknowledged my feelings, desires, & needs.
When I started therapy, all of those things were on the back burner, actually they weren’t even on the stove yet.
At the time I was stuck in a cycle of people pleasing and placing everyone else first. It was a misguided effort to try and spare myself from pain and create predictability and safety. The only problem was, I had ZERO control over the actions of others. Ironically, this pattern actually caused more pain and suffering.
Today, I routinely practice being good and kind to myself.
However, unlike riding a bike, it is a skill that takes continual diligence and intentionality. I’ve also discovered that it often means making terrifying decisions and doing things I don’t want to do.
If you’re anything like 2015 Maggie, I encourage you to start really small. Bite sized bits of goodness and kindness will eventually add up to a whole candy bar.
I’ll leave you with a list of ways I was good and kind to myself yesterday for a little inspiration.
I put my phone on do not disturb in the other room & picked up a book even though my impulse was to scroll on TikTok until my eyes rotted.
Why? The weather was gross & I knew a day indoors spent staring at my phone would be a recipe for disaster for my mental health.
I ate a handful of chocolate chips straight from the bag without judgement.
Why? I wanted them.
I meditated, even though I had to pause it 3 times to handle bored dogs. I gave myself permission to let my practice look different than it normally does.
Why? It’s life & interruptions happen. 30 seconds of mediation is better than none.
I turned the heat up even though I am trying to be really energy efficient.
Why? I knew I was going to be bummed out about being stuck inside all day & I would be extra bummed if I had to do it chilly.
I felt myself getting tired & so I stopped cleaning.
Why? I could’ve kept going just to get it done, but I wanted to respect my body’s desire for rest.
Be good to you. Be kind to you.
Wholeheartedly,
Maggie